Ted and Sandy's story

From IUI (Intra Uterine Insemination) in Scotland to Egg Donation in Spain

Intrauterine insemination (IUI)

My infertility journey began in the autumn of 2005.  Ted and I married in the spring of that year and in view of my age (41) knew we had to start trying for a family right away.  In October I went to my GP and was referred on to an NHS consultant.  I went through several tests for example Day 21 ovulation blood test as well as a hysterosalpinogram at a local hospital.  I had an approximate six month wait for the hysterosalpinogram because of the lack of a radiographer at the hospital.  I went through three IUI cycles unsuccessfully plus one cycle had to be abandoned due to NHS staff holidays.  Bizarrely the IUI treatment involved attending three different hospitals:  one for scans, one for the late night injections and the final one for the insemination.  Strangely also, we found out at the last attempt that all along Ted could have had the use of a room away from the main hospital building to enable him to provide a sperm sample instead of having to use the very public hospital loos.  We only found this out when he had difficulty producing a sperm sample at the last attempt!  We were told later that these rooms were normally only provided for patients coming great distances such as from Oban, (so we felt privileged!).

Following these failed IUIs my consultant suggested IVF but with the caveat that my chances of success were low in view of my age.  He recommended that if we failed we should consider Instituto Marques in Spain for egg donation.  This was at the back of my mind as we started IVF, and for me egg donation was the very end of the infertility process.

First IVF

We embarked on our first IVF cycle at the clinic where my consultant worked.  All three embryos were transferred (in view of my age) with one of the embryos not being of very good quality.  Unfortunately the treatment did not work. 

At this stage I did not want to give up on the idea of us having our own child so felt we should have a final attempt at IVF although we realised we had a low chance of success and at the same time it was likely we would have to go to Spain for egg donation so would need approximately £10k for that. 

Second IVF

We decided to move to another clinic.  Unfortunately I did not respond well to treatment on this second cycle and received a call from the clinic a day or two after the retrieval to say the transfer would not go ahead due to the (lack of) quality of my eggs.  Our second attempt was "free" in so far as my husband donated sperm in return for a reduced cost IVF cycle for myself.  As part of my husband becoming a donor we were required to undergo counselling at the clinic.  The counsellor pointed out that if I went ahead with egg donation abroad we would be in the unique position of being donors as well as recipients.  Any children occurring as a result of my husband's donations would be able to trace him, whereas any children I had as a result of egg donation in Spain would not be able to trace us.  I read about the "free cycle" in The Herald on the same day that the clinic gave a presentation to Cradle in the evening.  This is one reason to come along to Cradle meetings - you get the chance to listen to the services clinics provide, ask them questions and get a feeling for them without having to first pay the usual ~£125 consultation fee. 

I feel that it is a good thing to become a donor (as my husband has become a sperm donor).  However, Ted would not have agreed to become a sperm donor if we had not had a reduced cost IVF cycle as we simply could not afford IVF in Scotland as well as egg donation in Barcelona.  I feel that our own experience helps make the case for clinics to pay donors for what they have to go through.  While it is commendable for people to donate their eggs and sperm without expecting payment, they do have to go through some discomfort and/or pain in the process and I feel it is only appropriate that they should be appropriately recompensed for this as they do in Spain.

Vulnerability

I feel that going through infertility treatment makes me (and other patients) vulnerable to being preyed on for money as we may feel that we will be prepared to pay more to increase our chances of having a child.  I think some organisations are aware of this and try to take advantage of us.  Before embarking on my second IVF cycle I picked up a leaflet at the clinic detailing complementary therapy treatments offered by a therapist in Glasgow.  I had experienced reflexology before and had enjoyed it and found it relaxing so thought I'll give it another go.  At the appointment I mentioned I would shortly be going through an IVF cycle.  The therapist said I should have acupuncture instead of reflexology since studies had proved that it could increase the chance of success, whereas reflexology had not.  Despite not being very keen on the idea, I agreed.  The therapist also announced that I would need regular acupuncture during the IVF cycle.  At £40 a session this wasn't cheap.  She inserted several needles, including one on my forehead and one on my wrist.  I then felt a drip running down my face.  I looked up (thinking the roof was leaking!) and realised blood was dripping down my face from the needle and also the one on my wrist.  When querying this she accused me of moving and of it being my own fault.  I was left with the needles in for less than 20 minutes and then got told to go.  In the background during the whole treatment I could hear phones ringing and people talking, which made me feel more stressed than I had before!  I had booked an hour's treatment yet left with less than half that and just felt conned by the whole experience.  I've heard other Cradle members talk positively about acupuncture so perhaps I should have asked a Cradle member for a recommendation rather than just picking up a leaflet at the private clinic.

Taking a break

After the two failed IVF attempts and several years of infertility I decided to study the postgraduate diploma I had wanted to do since finishing my first degree in 2006.  (I had put it off as I assumed I would become pregnant long before this time.)  I also studied the course as I needed to feel positive again about myself.  I completed the PgD in 2009 with distinction.  As Helen from Cradle says in the Cradle DVD, you get used to failure, because you don't know anything else.  I can honestly say my years of infertility have made me feel very low.  However, as a nurse mentioned whilst I was going through one cycle of IUI, at least I had Ted, many people do not even have a partner. 

Egg donation at Instituto Marques (IM), Barcelona, Spain

As a result of our failed second IVF attempt we decided to go to Instituto Marques (IM) in Spain for egg donation in the summer of 2009.  Our first consultation was free as I had a letter from Cradle entitling me to this.  I also found the presentation by IM to Cradle useful in helping me to overcome the first hurdle in considering going abroad for treatment.  Helpfully, the consultant that gave the presentation at Cradle was also the one that treated me in Barcelona. 

First consultation at IM (July 2009)

I took the summer of 2009 off for treatment in Barcelona.  This meant delaying applying for jobs following my PgD course until after treatment but I felt that I did not wish to jeopardise my chances with employers for example by saying I could not come for interview because I was going for medical treatment.  We went to Barcelona for a week to familiarise ourselves with the city and pick up tips for our later transfer visit, for example which restaurants we preferred.  The temperature in Barcelona whilst we were over in July was in the high 20s/early 30s.  It was far too hot and busy for two West of Scotland peeps with fair skin!  It is a very polluted city, rated worse for pollution than Tokyo and New York as indicated in the Lonely Planet's Barcelona City Guide (2008, p43).  Also, the smell from the open sewers on hot days was dreadful.  We missed our usual holiday in Scotland as well as the smoking ban in restaurants in Spain, which we now take for granted in Scotland. 

We found out at the first consultation that IM only did ICSI with egg donation.  I was very annoyed about this.  Earlier when I had received their invoice, I had pointed out to IM that we would not need ICSI in view of my husband having been a donor here in Scotland.  I never got a response to my e-mail on this so assumed they would take off the ICSI charge.  If we had known about the ICSI charge beforehand we may have decided to go to another clinic.  I know of several people that have gone to Barcelona and at their first consultation they have been presented with extra charges they really should have been alerted to before they arrived, for example male partners over 45 are asked to pay for extra tests.  This is something to be aware of. 

I found out later that in addition to the usual male magazines male partners are given in Scotland, that at IM they can also view a video when providing their sperm sample for the transfer visit.  I asked Ted innocently if the video was in Spanish and if so did it have subtitles.  He smiled and said no it did not need subtitles...(!).

Transfer visit at IM (September 2009)

As preparation for my transfer visit to IM in Barcelona I was required to attend a local clinic in Scotland to check the thickness of my endometrium.  I had to have three scans as it took so long for it to thicken.  This meant that I was not able to use the donor IM had planned for me as I was not ready.  I would have to use a back-up donor who was a week behind my cycle.  This meant that I would not be guaranteed six embryos at transfer.  Before the transfer we were disappointed to learn that there were only two good quality embryos.  The consultant also told us that two other embryos might make it to blastocyst and we were to call the following week to see if this was possible.  (We found out later it wasn't.)  We also found out later our donor's age was 30.  This was considerably older than we had been led to believe - we were told at the consultation and from correspondence received from IM most donors were university students aged 20 to 24.  (Perhaps we had got a mature student!)  I remember talking to Ted when I heard this news saying I felt very pessimistic.  A Cradle friend later told me that older donors were used when previous recipients' treatment had been successful, however I still felt pessimistic.

Going abroad for treatment added additional stresses.  Firstly the short notice given for the transfer visit.  We were told on the Sunday that the transfer would be the Thursday of the same week resulting in us having to make most of our arrangements the same day.  This is usual and we were fortunate because many people get less notice e.g. 48 hours notice if they have to be in Barcelona for the retrieval.  Flights are much more expensive when they have to be arranged at short notice.  Secondly, taking large quantities of cash abroad (IM give 200 Euros discount for paying in cash so it's worth considering).  However, Barcelona is infamous for pickpockets so keep any cash under your clothes.  We split ~5,000 Euros between us.  Whilst at the airport we found out by accident (as you do!) that it is illegal to take approximately £10,000 in cash out of the UK but we were OK as we had split the £10k between us.  While staff at IM speak good English it is helpful to know some Spanish and Catalan (Barcelona being the Catalan capital) to make life easier for yourself in restaurants etc.  The cafe opposite IM appreciates Catalan!

The negative result following our trip to Spain was devastating.  We had invested so much time and effort in infertility treatment over the years but have nothing to show for it, except for being approximately £13,500 poorer as well as to take into account the damage the treatment is doing to my body.  We are now going to take a break as our lives have been on hold for so long.  As well as having no children, we have not made any major home improvements in the last five years and certain jobs now can't be put off any longer, for example we have a leaking roof and need to put in a kitchen.  I'm now looking for a full-time job in the area I'm qualified in.  At the moment we are hoping to go abroad for treatment again in early 2011.

Infertility

Infertility is a very personal issue and Ted and I have not discussed it with friends, family or work colleagues or managers.  Until now I have taken temporary jobs so that I've always been able to get the time off that I need for treatment without explaining why I need it.  I know that it is partly due to my background as well as being part of a generation that prefers to discuss personal issues like this only with my partner and in a supported environment, like Cradle.  Infertility makes me feel stuck and has resulted in putting my entire life over the last five years on hold, for example not looking for a job from June to September 2009 so that it would not interfere with treatment.

Too old for free treatment

Being over 40 has the added burden of no free infertility treatment (beyond IUI) as well as no indication from the NHS of which direction to go in.  This has consequently made me feel very alone.  I feel very fortunate to have found Cradle and also to be within travelling distance so that I can attend their meetings and receive support.  While I appreciate treatment over 40 e.g. IVF has less chance of success, there is still some chance of success, for example my mother had my younger sister at 39.  I don't feel that it is good enough that the NHS can be ageist and say "you can't get this because you are too old", unlike other UK services.  I also think more should be done to encourage young women to be egg donors in this country and that the UK could learn a lot from Spanish law regarding egg donation even if it means paying donors.  I feel anonymity should be brought back for donors.  People concerned about the child re anonymity should bear in mind that fewer children are now being born because of the removal of anonymity.  Also, any child born as a result of egg donation from an anonymous donor would rather be alive and not know the donor than not be alive.  Also, I'm sure current young female university students in Scotland could do with the extra cash to finance their studies.

Ted and Me

I feel that my relationship with Ted has grown closer and stronger because of the problems we have tackled together.  I am very lucky that I have someone like Ted, who wants what I want regarding going on with treatment, as it does place a strain on a relationship.

Cradle

Organisations like Cradle are vitally important to those going through infertility treatment - they can provide support and information on treatment.  I found this essential in helping decide which private clinics in Glasgow and Spain to go to for treatment.  I have found it extremely valuable to be able to talk to others who have gone through the treatment I have been about to go through as well as help others that have been in the same situation as myself, for example going abroad for treatment.

Sandy and Ted